The Romantically Independent Woman PT 2

The call to romantic independence is not a call to trash love or romance. A financially independent woman is not one who ignores money completely and lives in abject poverty. Financially independent women simply do not rely on others to provide their every need. They get up every day and put in the work to earn their money. Occasionally, they accept monetary gifts from friends, family, and even spouses. Romantic independence isn’t any different.

To be romantically independent, you would need to put in the work to generate love and romance on your own, and if someone offers you genuine romance, you’re able to detect and accept it.

But how exactly do you generate your own romance? Here’s how:

1. Build reliability

One of the key ways to generate your own romance is by becoming a reliable person to yourself. Once you are able to make progress in this area, you are able to trust yourself more and live independently.

1. Do what you said you’d do. This seems like a no-brainer on the surface, but often we find ourselves avoiding the tasks or activities that we had set out to do. Do you wake up at 6am like you said you would? Do you show up to your workouts consistently? How do you deal with deadlines? Keeping the promises you make to yourself will tell your brain that you are reliable, causing you not to seek someone else to rely on.
2. Finish things you start. Doing what you said you’d do is great but incomplete if you do not finish it off. How’s that writing project going? Have you completed your portfolio? Starting and abandoning signals to your brain that you cannot be trusted and this makes starting harder down the road. Start. Finish.
3. Speak to yourself honestly. Allow yourself feel emotions. Embrace affirmations. Be kind and gentle with yourself. Speak no harsh word to yourself. This way, you become comfortable in yourself.
4. Track your progress so you can see your consistency. I didn’t think I was making progress in the gym until I recreated a video I had made 6weeks prior and saw a great change. What a motivational boost that was. Document your journey. Take pictures. Journal. Find ways to track whatever goal you have so you can be proud of yourself.

2. Provide for yourself

One of the things we seek in men is provision. Not necessarily of our basic needs, but any kind of pampering. This is something we can do for and by ourselves.

1. Invest in stocks that pay dividends. It’s like free money someone sent to you!
2. Increase your earning power. Get a better job. Be ambitious. Build a business. Put yourself in places that cause you to make more money legitimately so you are able to become comfortable in your finances and can afford the nice things you like.
3. Build an emergency fund. I experienced two emergencies that caused me to around looking for money. I made a promise to myself then that when the next emergency comes, I’d be able to fund it myself. And did! So put some money aside, no matter how little, so when something urgent comes up, you are well covered. Oh and learn financial literacy while at it!

3. Gift yourself items and experiences

One of the thrills of romantic love is receiving gifts and experiencing new things. You should recreate this for yourself

1. Order items that take a while to arrive. One of my fave things to do is order items that take 3-4weeks to arrive. First, this builds anticipation which can be exciting. Secondly, if you ordered a lot of items at once, you may only remember 2 or 3 key ones. Unboxing the package then becomes a treasure hunt!
2. Have vendors curate packages for you. Find a vendor you trust and pay them to curate a gift for you. You can tell them the kinds of things you like and have them put together items from their store that match your likes. This way the package is a surprise you get to unravel!
3. Go on adventures. In 2025, I tied in at least one adventure into my goals for each quarter. What a delight that was. Adventures I’ve been on? Visiting the gravesite of Usman dan Fodio so that I could see his feminist icon of a daughter, Nana Asmau’s grave too. Visiting a waterfall. Hiking a hill to attend a rasta party. And so much more. Decide on what adventures suit you best and go for them!
4. Keep a wishlist and actually fulfil it. Write down everything you need, no matter how small, large or mundane, then slowly work through the list, purchasing at least one item when your pay or earnings come in.

4. Build a home you love

Your home could be an entire apartment, a bedroom in a shared house, or simply a desk and a bed in a corner. Make it undeniably you.

1. Decorate your space in your style. If we took you out of your room and placed a random person in there, would people be able to tell this is your room? Are your curtains the same as everyone else’s? Your carpets and rugs? Your work desk? Your walls? Build your style into your space so you come home to it feeling loved, comfortable, and happy.
2. Keep your space organized. Everything should have a home it returns to at the end of the day. The pens go to the pen holder, the books return to the shelf, and the clothes go in the wardrobe. Going-out clothes can be kept separate from staying-home clothes. Fiction can be kept away from non-fiction and all beddings can be kept in the same storage box. This makes looking for things easier and keeps you from making a mess.
3. Play music that matches your mood. Put out scents you enjoy. Use light curtains that lift with the breeze.

5. Grow, Explore

Romantic love isn’t stagnant. It grows, stretches, and evolves. You want your life to do same.

1. Try new things. Enough said
2. Find and engage in hobbies often. Skate, sew, take dance classes, write poetry, play chess, learn sudoku. Just engage in hobbies.
3. Travel. It doesn’t need to be international. Bonus points if you can slow travel, staying a while in one town or city to properly immerse in the culture.
4. Learn something difficult. Learn Japenese. Study math. Build a robot.

6. Care for your body

If you exchanged bodies with someone, how much work would they need to put in to maintain it? Or would they have no need to?

1. Work out. To sculpt your body, build strength, and stay fit
2. Invest in skincare. Stick to your routine even when you’re tired or your skin doesn’t seem to care. Keep pushing.
3. Eat intentionally. Less junk, more whole meals.
4. Cycle sync. Track the phases of your cycle and plan your life around the energy levels in each phase.

There’s so much more you can do, but the bottom line is this; prioritize yourself. Show yourself love and kindness and patience. Have fun and enjoy your own company. Build strong friendships. Heal from past trauma. Build yourself. Be yourself.

If you missed the first part, you can check it out here!