Girl, Put the Phone Down and Say Hi (Oxytocin, PT 2)

We all could use a boost in our oxytocin levels. That's what the first part of this piece covered. Oxytocin is a brain chemical built specifically to connect you to other humans. When satisfied through meaningful relationships, it increases feelings of satisfaction and fulfilment. It makes you calmer, more confident, and generally happier.

So, How Do We Actually Boost It?

1. Physical Touch

How many times have you hugged someone today? If your answer is zero or one, then you'd fit in nicely with the 50,000 people TJ Power surveyed that indicated the average person gets 1.6 hugs per day. You know what the ideal number is? Five. You should be getting five hugs per day to feel the benefits of physical touch.

A study by Kathleen Light, Karen Grewen and Janet Amico found that women who received more frequent hugs from their partners had higher baseline oxytocin and correspondingly lower blood pressure and heart rate. So hugging is literally great for your physical health too!

Some tips then:

• Aim for five hugs a day. It sounds like a lot, but once you begin, you start to notice more moments where you can go in for a hug.
• Hug 'hello' and 'goodbye' when you meet your friends or friendly coworkers, or your family.
• Hold hands when you are on a walk with a loved one. Link arms even.
• Cuddle with your pet as often as you can if you have one.
• Go for a spa day when you can afford it.

2. Contribution

Oxytocin responds powerfully to acts of service. This means building a lifestyle where every day you ask, "what can I do today to make life a little easier for someone?" It does not need to be a grand, expensive gesture. Doing the little things also moves the needle. Even as little as giving a compliment. You can decide daily to do something nice even if it doesn't come with a reward such as a thank you.

Some tips then:

• Make someone a cup of tea or coffee while you make yours.
• Buy or cook lunch for them.
• Help them move houses.
• Pick them up from the airport or the park.
• Give one genuine compliment every day.

3. Social Life

As we saw in the first part of this series, we need people. We need connections and meaningful relationships in order to thrive in our body and mind. But it goes beyond meeting friends or having a lunch date. What you do during that time also matters greatly. You need to actually be present during the conversations. This is how you get the most out of the interaction. And you can speak to strangers too. Speak to people you typically wouldn't speak to. It gives you a boost!

Some tips then:

• Spend time in-person with your friends. Texts are okay, calls are great, physical presence is even greater.
• Keep your phone face down when having a conversation. Don't pick it up every five minutes and definitely don't be buried in it the whole time!
• Practice active listening by focusing on what the person speaking is really saying instead of focusing solely on what you want to say next.
• Maintain eye contact while having conversations.

4. Gratitude

It may not seem like it, but being grateful for the things you have also boosts your oxytocin levels. This works both in expressing gratitude to someone in your life as well as journaling the things you are grateful for. Even only actively thinking of what you're grateful for can be satisfactory. If you don't already, build a gratitude practice. You can attach it to something you already do daily so you always remember to practice gratitude.

Some tips then:

• When you brush your teeth, think about three things you're grateful for. These could be as large as being alive or as small as having toothpaste to brush your teeth with.
• Keep a small notebook or a note on your phone where you jot down things you're grateful for.
• Tell a friend you're grateful to have them in your life. Thank them for the love and joy and support they've brought to you.
• Whenever you catch yourself comparing your life to someone else's, pause and name one thing you have, or are, and are grateful for.

5. Achievements

The internet told no lies when it insisted we celebrate our "small wins." Acknowledging your achievements boosts your oxytocin levels, giving you more self-confidence, which in turn makes you accomplish more! So celebrate those wins. Don't let them pass by quietly. Tell yourself congratulations, and talk about how proud of yourself you are.

In addition, begin speaking positively to yourself. Self-directed warmth appears to expand what you're capable of doing. So treat yourself like someone you love!

Some tips then:

• Before bed each night, name one thing you did that day, no matter how small, and actually praise yourself for it.
• Keep a running note or document of your wins and add to it often. Review it often too!
• Catch yourself mid self-criticism and say something positive instead. Read the Self-compassion series if you need more on this.

So, that's it. That's how you can boost your oxytocin levels. Spend time with the people you love, do nice things for them, pay attention when they speak, hug them and hold them and tell them how grateful you are to have them!